Babies.

I love babies. Who DOESN'T love babies? They are so precious and adorable and the way that they look at you with so much love in their eyes. I see babies and I know why Jesus loved the children so much. When I was a little girl, I used to tell everyone that someday I was going to have 12 children. That was my dream, to have a housefull of children and to just adore on them and be a mom to them. Crazy to think that I have never outgrown that dream. I still long to just be a mom and to have a housefull of kids.

Things didn't turn out like a planned. It seems that my body tends to reject being pregnant (those would be stories for another post) and I am not able to emotionally or pysically able to attempt to have more children. I am head over heels in love w ith the two miracles that I was blessed with (and they truly are miracles), but I will always continue to long for the family that I don't have. I watch the Duggars on TV and I get a pang of jealousy!

I went to a small town in MN today to meet my cousins new baby, and she was quite a sight to behold! A head full of hair and was so peacefull.....it made those longing pangs come back again. How I long for financial freedom, to be able to take the risk of trying again for one of my own.

I have a daycare now, and it certainly helps to be able to love on my daycare children on a daily basis, even though it is very much not the same. I am thankful to be home and to be with my kids, but I HATE being regulated by the state.  How funny it is that I long to be a stay a home mom, and the moms of the children that I care for long for high positions on their career scales. I never wanted a career. I watch the Desperate Housewives and I long to live like those ladies. To spend my days keeping house, decorating, baking and visiting husbands  at work and going to have lunch with kids in schools. To be able to be a part of the Tuesday morning bible studies or put the kids in summer programs. Freedom calls to me, and it hurts to not be able to answer it's call. I feel so strongly that I was put on this Earth to help people, to love on others, but I find it so hard to do because I have to chase the dollar bill so much in order to move forward. I KNOW that God has more in store for me, and I am excited to find it. Babies are only the beginning :)